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Leaning in.

I tried to sum up the last year in a couple of words and this is all I could come up with. Lean in. "What do you mean?" you might ask. I mean not running away from the hard things. Not denying the things that hurt. Not making myself small and insignificant to keep other people comfortable. I mean being able to say this sucks. It breaks my heart, but it won't break me. I mean being willing to say that I'm needy sometimes. That I need people. I need my friends. I need to be told it's going to be okay, even if you don't know that's true. I need you to sit with me while I cry. I need you to pray with me and for me because I don't have any words to say to God right now. I need you to tell me it's okay to not be okay. Lean in. I mean realizing the way you treated me is not okay and I'm not going to let it fly. The things you said are not okay, but I forgive you. I mean seeking help and wisdom when it would be easier to shut down and hide. I mean l...
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Change. Newness. Discomfort.

I initially wrote this back in December after my first semester in San Antonio was over, but wasn't brave enough to post it. But here it is. Be gentle, please. Change. Newness. Discomfort. These three words have characterized the last few months for me. In August I moved to a new state- to a city thirty times larger than anywhere I had lived before.I was terrified. I was insecure, alone, and unsure. I did not understand why the Lord wanted me in San Antonio, Texas. I didn’t even like Texas. I expected to feel lonely. Alone. Unknown. And I did. What I didn’t expect was to learn that these feelings are okay. Necessary even. In any change or new stage of life, there are going to be hard things, at least this is what I’m learning. In my feelings of loneliness and the abundant alone time I’ve had in the last four months, the Lord has become more real to me. He’s entered into my life in new ways. I haven’t had the close friends nearby to vent to , to proce...
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